Today is Medicine Buddha's birthday. I celebrated at Bodhi Meditation Center in Richmond. It was a 3 hour ceremony. There were many familiar faces from the retreat as well as familiar faces from all the activities I've attended. The ceremony was lead by master Judy. They had member share stories of how meditation helped them and encouragement to continue the practice. We chanted together and gave thanks together. I forgot how powerful it is when a large group chants in unison. The mantra tunes of the Buddha's are so ethereal sounding. It's hard not to feel something.
There were hundreds of people there today. We all had lunch and cake there. I was grateful to be part of such an amazing community. It reminds me to continue my practice. Happy Birthday Medicine Buddha. Thank you for all the compassion you have given me and all the teachings I've received by you through others.
Today they gave everyone a personal blessing by a Guanyin statue that was won at an auction many years ago. The story is that Master Bodhi had this statue in his hands and at a retreat he asked everyone if they wanted to see a miracle occur. He covered the statue's face and slowly began to lift his hand off of her face. The crowd saw the statue's eyes, which were closed, slowly lift as if it were waking up. Everyone was astounded. He said that was a lesson to the disciples that anything is possible. When I had my Medicine Buddha statue blessed by Thrangu Rinpoche one of my teachers said that the spirit of the Buddha lives in the statue now. It's a living entity. That Guanyin statue went missing years ago. Perhaps the living spirit inside the statue needed to be elsewhere. No one knew where it had gone. Some people speculated that Master Jin Bodhi had taken it with him on his travels however no one was brave enough to ask him. Weeks before today's ceremony they had found this Guanyin statue with the open eyes in a cabinet that had, to everyone's memory, been empty for the longest time. When they found the statue they were so happy. It was the return of the spirit. They brought it into the great hall and a large group of people chanted to it. It was reported that day a double rainbow appeared in the sky over the meditation center in Richmond. The centered believed that on Medicine Buddha's birthday Guanyin had returned to also give a blessing. We were lucky enough to be blessed with a sprinkling of water from a Guanyin bamboo shoot just before walking underneath statue. It's hard not to look at those eyes when you bow at her.
I know the story sounds fantastical but I would like to believe what I hear from this community is true. All their intentions have only seemed to be of compassion and caring. They never ask for anything. They just want you to meditate and be happy. I am so grateful for their service. I had taken something away with from my 8.5 day retreat that I didn't have before and that was compassion towards my parents. I have always loved them very much but it was often a frustrating relationship for me. However, going to Bodhi really helped me bring my love out for them, appreciate them and for that I am ever grateful because that's what I wanted. I have so much more to learn...but thank you Medicine Buddha, Guan Yin, Master Jin Bodhi and the community at Bodhi Meditation for their amazing contribution to society.
Saturday, November 7, 2015
Those awakening moments.
The rain has finally arrived in Vancouver. We've had several rainy weekends already. I spend tonight at home, cozy and indoors. The evening seems long when there is nothing planned in particular. I've spent most of the night watching TV and working on my creative endeavours. In fact, I was working on my Christmas gifts which is something I love to do. I make crafts for my friends and coworkers every year as I like to experiment and create all the things I see other crafty people do on the internet. However, I ran out of supplies pretty early on which meant I was channel surfing most of the night.
Sometimes I think I have the TV on for purposes of auditory stimulation rather than entertainment as I don't necessarily find the content very riveting. I can change channels for hours and watch things I don't have interest in at all. I know there are better ways to spend my time. I have finally turned off the television and what I am now left with is the silence of the night and the sound of the rain outside. Hearing it shocked me a little as I wasn't really thinking about what the weather was like outside. Yet, right away, I noticed it's sound was so peaceful and calming. It made me think that my evening would have been more enjoyable if I had allowed myself to just sit quietly with the TV off and listen to the rain. I'll experiment with that tomorrow.
This beauty inspires me. It sparks thoughts in me and inspires me to write.
It's often amazes me how conditioned we are to experience things through a filter. Personally, my filter affects me daily and in such a constant way I don't even know it's there most of the time. I don't attend to my surroundings in any meaningful way aside from avoiding objects in my direct path to keep from physical harm. I'm pretty sure I'm not alone in that category. Sometimes I'm driving somewhere and when I arrive I have no clue how I got there. Other times I walk towards a room with a purpose and when I get there I've already forgotten what that purpose was. My mind is always busy with another agenda... or agendas and most of the time I'm not even in on the agendas. Ever think that you were not thinking about anything until you realize you were complaining in your head for goodness knows how long or maybe you were running a scenario in your head over and over again? That happens to me all the time. There really is two of me in my head, the one watching and the one that is on automatic pilot.
Once in a while, like tonight, I have glimpses of reality where I notice how something seemingly ordinary is actually an amazing miracle. I assume these are moments, very rare moments, when my automatic pilot has clocked out for whatever reason, and is no longer clouding my perception. During these moments, ordinary things are experienced as if experienced for the first time. Why is that? I will never forget these moments because they incredibly unique. Before today there were 3 other times I've had such experiences. 1) Once when I was walking along the Richmond dyke. I had gone there because I needed to exercise away some of my very negative thoughts. I had walked maybe 3 KM (probably crying all that time) and the entire time my mind was replaying something I had labelled as an awful event in my life when I suddenly noticed a sound. The tree next to me was whispering and shimmering at all once. A breeze had come through and was *kissing the tree. It sounded like a chorus of "shhh... shhhh...shhhh". Not only did the sound wake me, the leaves on the tree were dancing back and forth and showing their dark green leafs and shiny backsides making the tree look incredibly vibrant. I stared at it for a long time. It silenced me. I even recorded that tree singing as a video on my phone because it was a turning point for me from a very dark time in my life. That tree then cued me to look around the dyke and notice the chirping birds and insects. What I noticed was that were all doing fine. I noticed the weather. The weather was nice. I noticed the breeze. The breeze was comforting. Everything was fine. Everything I thought was wrong in my life at the time was actually fine. I was so grateful. Never in my life was I so grateful to a tree. 2) Another time I was in the River District trying to do some sketches. I was trying to pay very close attention to some seagulls that were flying when I suddenly noticed the mechanical details of their wings while in flight. I thought to myself, I must have seen this a million times but I've never really seen it until now. Their wings almost moved in slow motion. Seeing all the minute details that allowed the bird to soar into the sky seemed so deliberate, part of a plan, natural and special. I realized being present was paramount to being a creative person and I needed to attend more to nature and my surroundings so I could connect to beauty. It changed my work habits towards my creative work. 3) Once when I was sitting outside during the evening at a resort in Henderson, Nevada, just looking at the stars in the sky and suddenly I felt very connected. Actually that was the first time I ever felt that connection to nature. It just gave me a very a light and happy feel. I was very young then, in my early 20's maybe, but I did notice it was a different experience than all the other times I looked into the night sky. 4) Now, today, is the 4th time when I turned the TV off and heard the rain outside.
Each and every time I've felt this way I was by myself. I don't think that is a coincidence. Thinking about this today made me really cherish my alone time. I mean, some experiences you can only have with yourself and I've only experienced these moments on my own. I thought about why that may be. My conclusion was that when your alone maybe your overworked automatic pilot feels it can take a break but when you are with someone else, I don't think your can autopilot clock out. It's a social entity. It thrives on drama and scenarios. If it doesn't engage during social time where will it continue to get it's material from? Everyone needs a break. Maybe we should give it permission to do that more often.
Writing is cathartic for me. It's a really good way for me to organize my thoughts so that they make sense to me. I also love writing about my experiences as they are a reminder for me to stay grounded and also to look for the beauty in all things all the time... and... also to remember. Our lives move so fast, it's easy to forget all the things that make life worth living. I appreciate all the reminders. Share your experiences with me if you have similar ones. I'd love to hear about them.
Sometimes I think I have the TV on for purposes of auditory stimulation rather than entertainment as I don't necessarily find the content very riveting. I can change channels for hours and watch things I don't have interest in at all. I know there are better ways to spend my time. I have finally turned off the television and what I am now left with is the silence of the night and the sound of the rain outside. Hearing it shocked me a little as I wasn't really thinking about what the weather was like outside. Yet, right away, I noticed it's sound was so peaceful and calming. It made me think that my evening would have been more enjoyable if I had allowed myself to just sit quietly with the TV off and listen to the rain. I'll experiment with that tomorrow.
This beauty inspires me. It sparks thoughts in me and inspires me to write.
It's often amazes me how conditioned we are to experience things through a filter. Personally, my filter affects me daily and in such a constant way I don't even know it's there most of the time. I don't attend to my surroundings in any meaningful way aside from avoiding objects in my direct path to keep from physical harm. I'm pretty sure I'm not alone in that category. Sometimes I'm driving somewhere and when I arrive I have no clue how I got there. Other times I walk towards a room with a purpose and when I get there I've already forgotten what that purpose was. My mind is always busy with another agenda... or agendas and most of the time I'm not even in on the agendas. Ever think that you were not thinking about anything until you realize you were complaining in your head for goodness knows how long or maybe you were running a scenario in your head over and over again? That happens to me all the time. There really is two of me in my head, the one watching and the one that is on automatic pilot.
Once in a while, like tonight, I have glimpses of reality where I notice how something seemingly ordinary is actually an amazing miracle. I assume these are moments, very rare moments, when my automatic pilot has clocked out for whatever reason, and is no longer clouding my perception. During these moments, ordinary things are experienced as if experienced for the first time. Why is that? I will never forget these moments because they incredibly unique. Before today there were 3 other times I've had such experiences. 1) Once when I was walking along the Richmond dyke. I had gone there because I needed to exercise away some of my very negative thoughts. I had walked maybe 3 KM (probably crying all that time) and the entire time my mind was replaying something I had labelled as an awful event in my life when I suddenly noticed a sound. The tree next to me was whispering and shimmering at all once. A breeze had come through and was *kissing the tree. It sounded like a chorus of "shhh... shhhh...shhhh". Not only did the sound wake me, the leaves on the tree were dancing back and forth and showing their dark green leafs and shiny backsides making the tree look incredibly vibrant. I stared at it for a long time. It silenced me. I even recorded that tree singing as a video on my phone because it was a turning point for me from a very dark time in my life. That tree then cued me to look around the dyke and notice the chirping birds and insects. What I noticed was that were all doing fine. I noticed the weather. The weather was nice. I noticed the breeze. The breeze was comforting. Everything was fine. Everything I thought was wrong in my life at the time was actually fine. I was so grateful. Never in my life was I so grateful to a tree. 2) Another time I was in the River District trying to do some sketches. I was trying to pay very close attention to some seagulls that were flying when I suddenly noticed the mechanical details of their wings while in flight. I thought to myself, I must have seen this a million times but I've never really seen it until now. Their wings almost moved in slow motion. Seeing all the minute details that allowed the bird to soar into the sky seemed so deliberate, part of a plan, natural and special. I realized being present was paramount to being a creative person and I needed to attend more to nature and my surroundings so I could connect to beauty. It changed my work habits towards my creative work. 3) Once when I was sitting outside during the evening at a resort in Henderson, Nevada, just looking at the stars in the sky and suddenly I felt very connected. Actually that was the first time I ever felt that connection to nature. It just gave me a very a light and happy feel. I was very young then, in my early 20's maybe, but I did notice it was a different experience than all the other times I looked into the night sky. 4) Now, today, is the 4th time when I turned the TV off and heard the rain outside.
Each and every time I've felt this way I was by myself. I don't think that is a coincidence. Thinking about this today made me really cherish my alone time. I mean, some experiences you can only have with yourself and I've only experienced these moments on my own. I thought about why that may be. My conclusion was that when your alone maybe your overworked automatic pilot feels it can take a break but when you are with someone else, I don't think your can autopilot clock out. It's a social entity. It thrives on drama and scenarios. If it doesn't engage during social time where will it continue to get it's material from? Everyone needs a break. Maybe we should give it permission to do that more often.
Writing is cathartic for me. It's a really good way for me to organize my thoughts so that they make sense to me. I also love writing about my experiences as they are a reminder for me to stay grounded and also to look for the beauty in all things all the time... and... also to remember. Our lives move so fast, it's easy to forget all the things that make life worth living. I appreciate all the reminders. Share your experiences with me if you have similar ones. I'd love to hear about them.
Tuesday, October 20, 2015
Lighten up
What good does it do for me, in this current moment, to fixate on an old story? I asked myself that question while I felt upset about a situation that I took for an enemy. Today I was angered, hurt and felt left out during a situation. Those are terrible feelings and I was consumed. Within a split second the had pitched a tent in the obsessive part of my brain and set up camp. They stoked the fires of complaint and self-righteousness until the smoke covered everything else. They gave me a driving force to go out and destroy friendships and yell foul but deep down inside, luckily, I still knew it was not the right thing to do. Instead I went to a trusted friend and tried to vent. She didn't allow me to make this a bigger situation than it was. So I had to sit on my own with my feelings. I had to just watch myself and reflect. Knowing they came from the accumulation of many moments in the past and not just this one incident I knew it was unfair to feel so terribly justified in my negativity. But it was still so hard to change my feelings. I was still illogically stuck. I had to help myself find my way back to appreciation and love for those in my life. I ended up asking myself what difference does this situation really make in my life right now? A small event may have hurt my feelings but only because I chose to think the worst. I chose to hold it tight. I was only making myself more and more miserable the more I consumed it. I made up everyone's reasons, I accused them all in my mind and at the end of it all, it really was all in MY mind. I really don't know anything and even if I did It really didn't matter. At that moment I was able to let go of it all and I had started to work on a project. But...My mind was a circus frenzy on autopilot. Without my consent I had moved on... But onto another old story. I didnt even realized I was thinking about anything until I realized I was still feeling unhappy. I stopped all I was doing so I could be the witness of my thoughts. What was making me feel miserable again? Upon observation it appeared that My thoughts were in a loop just playing an older sad story. A story that I often found was a default program that my mind latched onto. I had to ask myself again. Why? Why do you come up all the time and make me sad? How does this apply to me now? What does this old story springing to life add to my current situation? The answer is always nothing but self imposed torture. I asked the story to go away. I spent some time practicing gratitude for the very thing that held so much pain in my heart.
It's hard to stick to reality when your mind keeps playing old movies and puts you in a time machine. It's hard to remember where you are. It's so easy to forget to pay attention. I work really hard on staying present as I feel that I have a very weak mind sometimes, or at least a very loud one. My mind is petty too. It doesn't like to forgive. It's dramatic. It likes to cling to high emotion. It's a warrior. It always wants to be right. It always wants to win. It's also a victim. It feels life is unfair. But I know these are not truths. Today I learned to ask myself what purpose does this hold? What is the use of this thinking at this moment? It made me dissect the movie reel.
Maybe I'm still grieving over all the loss I've experienced in my life. I'm unable to let go of all the things I've done wrong or others have done wrong. Trauma comes in so many forms. Actions at first. Their remains become the horror movies of our subconscious. The past cannot be undone no matter how often My brain replays it. The pain, the lessons will always be there. All I can do is look at where I am now. All I can do is try and learn my lesson. All I can do is be grateful for what I still have. I know that what remains are still little and big gifts. Life is way bigger those little stories. And I must see the beauty of what I have now before I realize they too have gone to dust while I was unconscious. Living in the past is no way to live. I'm grateful for this lesson today. I'm grateful for bring the witness off thoughts.
Who was it that said "when in darkness just lighten up!". Was it Brene Brown or Rhonda Brynes? Whoever it was I owe them a thanks. For those times I am clouded in a darkness I can't even see for myself I must remember the key is to lighten myself up. And that light will help me remain present... For a little longer at least.
Monday, October 19, 2015
Today was a great day
Today was a great day. It wasn't supposed to be. In fact, today was the day that everything was supposed to go wrong. Today was a day that was supposed to be anxiety filled. What happened to the today I was expecting?
I am so grateful for today. I was looking back on it to see what went "wrong". There were so many unexpected surprised. Little joys to celebrate.
Listing some of the major players of the day
1) Started with coming up with a plan in the midst of chaos and everyone coming together to support this new plan. These are the best people.
2) Started driving to work while listening to The Power. Started writing a little book of inspiring quotes. Maybe it sets a tone.
3) Students were all in good moods. Even the angry ones were somewhat sedated today.
4) Met a lot of smiles in the hallways. Saw lots of smiles when eyes locked. It made each step easier. Made each problem seems smaller. Today I gave free food away. People really like you when you give them free food!
5) Made an effort to talk to some one I cared about. We talked about life. It was a nice shared experience.
6) A boy who usually shuts down on me opened up shared about his experience today. He shared his happiness. He asked about how his sister was doing. HE opened up. I didn't even have to try.
7) Made soup for a family I've worked with for a long time. I made it because the boy I work with can't have milk or wheat. I found a great recipe for a creamy soup that used rice and eggs. They ate it all up. Everyone liked it so much that they all got seconds and some got thirds. SUCCESS!
They all seem like little things but they made the day AMAZING. I'm so grateful for today. I guess it does make a difference if you give a little, if you share and if you smile at someone. So many people smiled at me today and it gave me the energy to be more patient and to give more love. I am going to smile... all day tomorrow.
I am so grateful for today. I was looking back on it to see what went "wrong". There were so many unexpected surprised. Little joys to celebrate.
Listing some of the major players of the day
1) Started with coming up with a plan in the midst of chaos and everyone coming together to support this new plan. These are the best people.
2) Started driving to work while listening to The Power. Started writing a little book of inspiring quotes. Maybe it sets a tone.
3) Students were all in good moods. Even the angry ones were somewhat sedated today.
4) Met a lot of smiles in the hallways. Saw lots of smiles when eyes locked. It made each step easier. Made each problem seems smaller. Today I gave free food away. People really like you when you give them free food!
5) Made an effort to talk to some one I cared about. We talked about life. It was a nice shared experience.
6) A boy who usually shuts down on me opened up shared about his experience today. He shared his happiness. He asked about how his sister was doing. HE opened up. I didn't even have to try.
7) Made soup for a family I've worked with for a long time. I made it because the boy I work with can't have milk or wheat. I found a great recipe for a creamy soup that used rice and eggs. They ate it all up. Everyone liked it so much that they all got seconds and some got thirds. SUCCESS!
They all seem like little things but they made the day AMAZING. I'm so grateful for today. I guess it does make a difference if you give a little, if you share and if you smile at someone. So many people smiled at me today and it gave me the energy to be more patient and to give more love. I am going to smile... all day tomorrow.
Friday, October 16, 2015
Being the observer
The older I get the more I learn. Circumstances and situations really change in a blink of an eye. The situation could be yourself, someone else or an attachment to something. But whatever it is, it's not stable. I figure things change when the time is right. The Universe will mold itself around you so you go where you are supposed to go rather than where you think you should be going.
I'm grateful for all things that have been presented to me and all the opportunities I've gotten. I know more are to come and I welcome all of it. I've now learned to trust in the way things work. There is so much available for you than what you can only imagine in your mind. The reality we create for ourselves can be so limiting sometimes. When the door swings open, walk through.
Saturday, September 19, 2015
Everything is temporary
I was thinking to myself just now about how things are temporary. Our moments are, inspirations, our friends and parents but most importantly even we are temporary. We all know we will die one day but it never feels that way. But we really aren't here to stay. It seems so ridiculous to live life by repeatedly infecting ourselves with negative thoughts. When I think how we are temporary and every day and moment is really just an extended minute or a day we get in this lifetime I really don't want to spend it with any negativity. That is something I will remind myself always whenever I allow things in life to get me down. I will think this minute is a gift. It's not a privilege. I shouldn't waste it as many did not get this one minute like I did.
There have been so many deaths in my circle lately that these thoughts repeat themselves in my mind. I want to take a lesson away from the pain of losing people in our lives. Those who are still here, cherish them. While we are still here, enjoy the life you have. Never take anyone you love for granted. Even when you feel too exhausted or tired to care, you won't regret reaching out one more time. Let go of things that hold you back. Let your eyes experience the things that break your mind open. Make everyday count even if you have nothing to do that day. Every day is a choice my love.
Sunday, August 23, 2015
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