Wearing your heart on your sleeve

Once in a while I will think about things that have been said to me. One thing that has been said to me was that I wear my heart on my sleeve. This was not given as a compliment but as something to change. However, it wasn't just concerning me, whomever said it to me said that we both wore our hearts on our sleeves and that is a negative thing. I disagreed with him when he said that to me.

The definition on the internet says it's one who shows his or her feelings obviously through their behaviour, good or bad. Also, some people say that those that show their hearts on their sleeves wind up getting hurt more easily, have no self confidence, low self esteem, and are the first to say sorry.

Some people see it as a weakness to not show true emotion. Personally, it's something I have little control over, but I don't think it's a bad thing. Though life is short, wouldn't it be much less special if we only felt half of everything? Even if we hide how we felt from the world, we would still feel the pain the same 100% inside. I don't know any other way than to cry them out or to laugh them out. I think it's worse to repress them and have them come up later. I'd hate to feel deeply resentful and never know why. I like to understand how I feel. I like feeling what I am feeling. Even bad feelings will go away. 

I have been hurt very few times in my life but every time I've been hurt I learned something. I never learned it was bad to express myself. How do people ever get to know you if you don't let them know who you are and how you feel?  Anyone who knows me knows I am a passionate person. I love lots of things. I despise a lot of things. When I am grateful for something I let the whole world know. When I am sad I don't keep it inside. What's wrong with that? What's wrong with being honest. I find people have varying degrees for what they consider is honest. I am honest in my own way. I like to be honest to myself and those closest to me. I don't like to hide anything.  Why hide from the ones you love? If they care about you, they will accept your feelings and support you. That's what I have done for the ones I love. Those that don't do that for you should not be there anyway.

So maybe sometimes I act a little crazy, maybe sometimes I look like I'm in the depths of despair. It's only because I feel extremely sad. I also act that way because I feel extremely safe to let people know how I feel.  There are times when I am estatic. There are moments when I feel like the world is my oyster. People love being around happy and elated people. During these times in your life wearing your heart on your sleeve is not a problem.People love you! There is a duality in everything we do, even in how people react to and judge truth. When it's a good truth, keep the truth coming, when it's a bad truth they want nothing to do with it. The truth is great and the truth hurts. Maybe they have not faced their own truths. Maybe they have a problem with bad feelings because they have hidden so many within themselves that they can't stand being around someone who shows them. I will never critize or be angry at myself for putting my heart on my sleeve, whether it was a good or bad situation. I may regret some of the actions I took in the past during the heat of emotion but that is the past. There is nothing you can do about it. I know no matter what emotions I go through in life, no matter how shitty I feel in a moment, that moment will pass and I will go back to being me. So what's wrong with putting your heart on your sleeve? Leave your heart there. It's your heart. You can put it anywhere you want as long as you take responsibility for it.

I don't think people who wear their hearts on their sleeve are hurt more easily, have no confidence, have low self esteem. I think they are brave enough to go deep. They are brave enough to be honest and truthful. Not everyone can look inside themselves and understand how they truly feel. Everyone has room for improvement but it's really important to look at things you really love about yourself and what makes you you. Don't let anyone tell you something about you needs to fixed, only you should be able to make that decision.

Magda I'm back!!!

So there is this Venezuelan restuarant in my neighborhood. It's called Magda's.


This is the 4th time I've been there and it's Definately one of my favourite places to go for Latin food in Vancouver. I always order the same thing but next time I go I'll try something different. I went with some coworkers after work. It's nice to spend time with each other on a personal level. We were at the restuarant about 2 hours. We talked and laughed. It was a really good time. We also went shopping and each one of us got something. It was a good start to the long weekend.

Here are some photos of the food at Magda's.



Cafe con Leche. Super creamy and rich. I liked it but it was hard for me to finish the whole thing. Personally I prefer a less creamy coffee but I did drink half of it.



Empanadas Columbiania??? Anyway this is a empanada filled with beef, potato and cilantro. I love love love this empanada. I've only had empanadas at a few different places but Magda's is the best in my opinion. It's made with corn flour so the skin is crunchy and crispy on the outside and super delicate and soft inside. Yum yum.


I also ordered some pupusas. This is one of my favourite Latin snacks. I ordered three different ones. 1) Chiccaron ( pork) and cheese. 2) Spinach and cheese. 3) Zucchini and cheese. They are all good and made to order. Fresh fresh fresh!




They give you three dipping sauces to go with your food too. They are a garlic cream, avocado and extra spicy sauce. I captured only two of them as the other one was in use. Make sure you try the sauces!! They are very good.



A good moment:
Though it was a fun day in general and we had many great moments today we also had a special event. It was our Gallery Show. Today students and staff in our school could come and check out the art work our students have been working on all year. We had such a big turn out and the kids were so excited to showcase their work. Parents came to check the show out too. I love seeing our kids faces light up. People were really impressed. I'll have to take a picture of some of the pieces to post. Happy long weekend Canada!

This is so significant.

"What we call a person is a dynamic bundle of consciousness that is constantly transforming. in every moment of existence, the old person dies and the new one is born. so the person you were yesterday is not the person you are now. your thoughts aren’t the same, they may appear to be the same but your body is not the same, your emotions are transforming. the reason why you have this illusion of being the same person is continuity of memory that gives you this false belief that you are the same person you were before" ~ Deepak Chopra

Impermanence: word of the day

So... Sometimes no matter how beautiful a day it is there is a feeling of overall disappointment and a lingering sadness. Don't get me wrong, I am not depressed but everyday I have to remind myself not to resist the past and other people's decisions. It's very hard to do. I have to remind myself that impermanence is a part of life and I have to enjoy it. There is something more for me out there. Life isn't so random.

Today has had more moments of sadness. I don't know why some days are harder than others. My mind just won't stop thinking about who I am missing right now. I am more able to push the feeling away though. But never the less I miss him. This too shall pass. One day I will have no feelings for him. Feelings can change as they changed for him, they can change for me too. This too shall pass.

Sometimes I read my horoscope for inspiration. I have found to be quite accurate recently. Here are two versions I found in the newspaper.



After reading that I paid my credit card right away and then cleaned my house (which I was planning to anyway). However I don't plan to seclude myself. Though I love the last two lines. "Listen to the stillness. Give thanks."



Though not applicable to today that is always good advice. Sometimes horoscopes are random but also random with good advice. What can go wrong if you follow your intuition?

I also read on my horoscope app that I should go buy a lottery ticket because for some reason I am very lucky today. Also, when I checked my email there was an email about Hometown Heroes. It's this lottery for a house. So I bought some tickets for that as I do each year. Maybe I'll win a big house!!! Or maybe not... but it all goes to charity, so it's no loss either way. Wish me luck!!! 

I'd like to mention some nice discoveries about today.

First one: a student of mine whom is limitedly verbal looked very upset and kept repeating the same phrase over and over again. The phrase sounded like "hippos swim!" It was very odd. But I found a picture of a hippo swimming, showed it to him and be immediately stopped. The picture was sooo funny. Here it is.


Very cute. Hippos have really big asses. I can stare at this picture a lot.

Also I took a photo of an awesome snack I think everyone should try. I got it in Costco in the states. Maybe they have it here too? So yummy. I shared some at work and everyone liked it.






Those peanuts look radioactive but that's only because I edited the photos. Don't worry. They are safe to eat if you don't count the burning sensation in your nostrils.

Lastly, I made raw zucchini hummus today and it was easy and tasty. Please try! It is probably less fattening than chickpea hummus and tastes almost exactly the same. I got the recipe from this site: http://makeeverydayraw.blogspot.ca/2007/06/zucchini-hummus.html?m=1


Goals:
Figure out how to get into a legit mystery shop in Vancouver... wanna start getting paid for eating and shopping as it's all that I do.

Go research a volunteer position where I can learn something. I read in A New Earth that if I felt like someone took something from me, or wouldn't give me something I wanted  I need to go out and give that same thing out to the world. Giving and receiving are the same thing. GIVE and see what you get back in your heart.

Songs of the day for me:
1. Wild Country by Wake Owl.
2. Somebody I used to know by Gotye.

The lyrics stood out to me especially these ones by Wake Owl.


If I wanna leave I will
Stand on my feet I do
Only takes these words
You never believe are true
I'm never gonna chase something
It's a total waste running
After what they take hundreds
Look at what they praise, nothing

Oh we go where we don't know the way
Fire meets fire we run and it's all the same.

Maybe tomorrow will be a lighter song.

2 great things about JJ Bean

To showcase some of the great coffee of Vancouver I am currently sitting at JJ Bean on Main Street. This is a usual hang out place for me when I want to do some people watching or just read a book at some place other than my bed or sofa. I ordered an iced coffee today. It's a bit different than the usual fare because the drink I love the most here is the Fresca Medici. I just didn't want to be wired for the rest of the day.




There it is on this sunny/overcast, slightly humid day. A nice light and fresh iced coffee.
I also picked up this grilled cheese sandwich. :)


In terms of coffee shop grilled cheeses I think this one takes the cake. It's creamy goodness. It is made with two cheeses, tomatoes and some super savory garlic spread. I am trying to just eat half of it and save the rest for later.

General feeling for the day: Today has been a good day. The weather turned out better than anticipated and I was in a good mood in general. I felt like I got the jump back in my step. Is that how the saying goes?  I even found a guy online I found super cute. I have a very particular type so I'm very excited.

The last two months my heart has been heavy but today I felt lighter in my heart. Maybe it's just that summer is around the corner and I'm starting to look forward to it. Or maybe I am finally not resisting the changes in my life. The feeling of the "freeness" in my heart inspired me and I felt really happy. While I was working with some of my students we took a moment to find something to be grateful for. I think I will encourage that more. Teaching students to be present and grateful is a good thing. We all need to be present. They both said they were grateful for the weather because the sun was starting to pop out.

It was a beautiful moment. More little moments need to be cherished.

3 years later.

It's been 3 years since I have posted. I started this post today because Facebook had changed its settings and all the notes I had written for the past 8 years or so had shown up on my timeline. I reread them not knowing what they contained.  I was fearful that they contained things I didn't want the world to know but when I read them I laughed. My old thoughts aren't that different from my current thoughts but I seemed much wiser then yet more naive and innocent at the same time. 

I had crazy passion for so many things. I had written posts with so many vivid emotions. I saw that I was struggling in the past with trying to always accomplish my goals and have hope for the future. This is technically the future of the past. My life isn't quite where I thought it would be. Is that a good thing or a bad thing? I don't know. I know I had some extremely valuable experiences, learned some hard lessons, and started to value different things in life. I look at how I tried to plan life. I am nowhere close to that. Life is unpredictable. Even I can't predict myself. Now what has happened in the last 3 years...

I no longer have passion for water kefir, ornate fish or corals.These were things I use to blog about a lot. When I read about those interests I remembered how those activities gave me an escape from the current weather. I got a high and excitement from them that I don't get anymore.

I read one post that I wrote about marking a moment in history. All it was about was a fungia coral that had blown up to the size of a doughnut and looked billowy and cute. It looked so cute I had imagined fish bouncing up and down on it. I actually remembered that day after I read about it. It WAS really cute. I remember how much enjoyment I got out of that. Such pleasure in small things. That's one thing I had forgotten how to do.

Since then I have taken up jewelery making, Netflix, my PVR, Zumba, antique teacups, and vintage Pyrex... amongst other things. There are so many cute things to be excited about it can be endless. It also helps that the internet is a great resource to meet others just as crazy as you are about such obscure things. I've also been up to many things. Here are some examples of things I've been up to.




I rode in a huge glowing orange balloon in Orange County.




Went to Disneyland!!!




Got beamed up aboard the Starship Enterprise.




Took a painting class.




Took a drawing class.











Drank a Lot of beer!



Started a garden and with a neglectful hand the garden turned into a strawberry patch.




Went to some awesome concerts.

And love love love... I met someone special and lost someone special.



If I posted all the pictures of what I've been up to in the last 3 years I would run out of space on my Google account. Actually, all the photos I had up there were only from the last year. That being said, it's nice to see, I realized I am and was always up to something. I felt a little bit more grateful for the experiences I gave myself in life. I went on many vacations, saw many concerts, spent time with people I loved and just tried to enjoy life. I also picked up a book called A New Earth and my life changed for the better.


I had several more significant changes in the last three years of my life. I switched jobs and met some people who have changed my day to day experience in life. I started to enjoy everyday. I also became an aunty not one but two times.







Family became so much more important to me. When I fell in love and got my heart broken for the first time the experience had changed me completely. When I was in shambles, my real friends also became so much more revealing to me. I am a lucky girl.

Now that I am back on the up and up I see that life has surprised me in so many ways. I learned so much about myself. I am still trying to adjust to some of those changes and understand life. I learned there are things you can't control. That is something very hard for a Leo and a control freak to understand. Right now I am trying not to resist life. That's a tough thing to do but a very important thing to be persistent about. Do not resist what life gives you. Life has much joy and much pain. I guess it's all part of growing up. Nothing went according to my plan yet it was a great adventure anyway.

However, reading about who I was before, I felt inspired. I had a lot to say regardless if there was anyone listening to it. I had things on my mind all the time. There were things I logged so I wouldn't forget them. This led me to want to start blogging again. I had read a lot of blogs on the internet myself, especially when I was experiencing a lot of emotional pain. They really helped me and I want this blog to be an outlet for my emotions and sharing myself. It will also be about the things I love. Why not? The whole world is doing it.

 Maybe the record of my thoughts will be healing as I can see my evolution and learn that all we go through is actually for a reason. Maybe it will make someone else feel like they are not alone in their thoughts. Or maybe it will just be a fun way to pass the time. This will be my new project. Let's see how it turns out.

Oh, on a side note, I voted today. I have not voted in a long time but that's because it was very hard to vote when I was never in my voting area during voting times. I love this new system where you can vote anywhere!! ANYWHERE! So I voted right after school in the school gym. Love it! That's how it should be. People should not choose between work and voting. In our culture it's a right, so they should make it accessible to everyone and now they have. Good on you!!!! Thank you. For now my vote is a secret. I wonder who will win.
Good luck British Columbia.

Update: Liberals got it again for the next four years. I voted NDP. 

I love summer!!!

Summer holidays began for me last Thursday and since that very day I have had the most amazing time. Firstly, I went to Seattle and back. After that, I went out Whistler for a day and a night. I saw a bunch of people I don't normally see. On the drive to Whistler I could only think of how beautiful our city is. I'm so proud to be living here. What an awesome city we live in and what awesome weather we've had lately. Really makes you appreciate nature and simplicity. Life should be simple and sweet. Just like kefir :) I have to throw that in somewhere. :)

Currently we are having a heatwave, which is wonderful since we rarely experience super hot weather, and it will be good for the kefir. My babies will grow nice and big.