I get all my lessons from
1. Love and fear
2. My family and friends
3. My students
4. Animals
5. Nature
I need to focus on my gratitude for the above everyday.
My most influential spiritual teachers
In the order of which teachings were received.
1. Eckart Tolle
2. Jin Bodhi
3. Brene Brown
4. Deepak Chopra
5. Michael A. Singer
6. Pema Chodron
Most influential book for my creativity...
Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert
So when trying to find balance I think going back to the people and things that gave me the best vehicle to get to balance is a smart thing to do. How about you?
When stressed, it doesn't help that the world is falling apart, economically and physically. Aside from global warming, we are nearing a global pandemic and economic recession. There is so much fear in the world. Personally, there has been too much on my mind that pertains to family. I've been trying to contain an outbreak in my family while ignoring the one in my mind. Instead, the problems of the world are all I focus on and see as I see them as a threat. I am very threat-heightened right now.
What is the acceptance that needs to happen here? Even if I do everything I can to keep me and my family safe the outcome will be whatever it will be. Preparedness is good but it doesn't change the inevitable. It just delays it. People get old. People get sick. Everyone will eventually die. Threats will also continue to come. As you get older, you have more to lose. I am grateful to have an abundant life which shields me from alot of negative things in this world. But no one is immune and though I dislike bad things happening in my life I know I need this. In some way... I need this to learn how to change and.. better at handling hard things that come my way.
After posting last night I read through my older posts and the most trying times in my life have been recorded on there with very little information on actual events. There are a few uplifting entries as well. As the blog is for me and my emotional processing I know that many of those post were written in dark times. In times of saying good bye to loved ones or not being able to say good bye even. That pain never goes away and I guess when you get another chance you want to do all you can before it's too late. It's interesting how I forgot those same mental struggles I had then.
To be more open I want to share that my heart has been breaking a lot lately. My great uncle whom I love very much had a health crisis. Yet now he is safe and in care. My great aunt is living on her own and I have to remind myself she is managing. Though I wish things were different and that they could be together that may not be what is best. My parents are also older now and I can see their exhaustion. It's a hard place to be but everyone has moments like this in their life. And I have been asking myself lately why does this have to happen now. In a moment when visiting hospitals are the the scariest thing to do. Where staying at a hospital is risky. Where there is a virus taking over the globe that has a bad track record for the elderly. But what does that this constant thinking do? It just creates bitterness and it just victimizes you. This is just now life is right now. I can only work in the dimensions of what life is evolving in.
My sister tells me worrying does nothing. And she is often more anxious than me. She has an outbreak 15 minutes away from her home, in Kirkland. And senior home and a rehab facility, just like the kind my uncle is in. It's hard not to be scared. 50 people are suspected to be infected. No visitors are allowed. All I want is for my uncle to be released but my family says he needs to be there. If SHTF I dont want him to be alone and not with his wife. I don't want him to be in the rehab facility with no way to contact his family. In my own position, if I were that old I'd rather be with my partner and die together but I cant assume that bad things are to come. I can only put my trust in our government and our health system. No one wants these things to happen. No one can do anything about sick people in hospitals.
Seeing people suddenly lose their gifts, memory, ability to do things for themselves and show dementia... it's hard. It's harder to not be able to help as much as one can. My parents have told me to take a step back bc I work in a school. They fear I can infect them and my uncle. I know they also dont want me to go to the hospital in fear I can get sick. Familial sacrifice is a double edge sword. I told them I would stay away for 1 week and see what develops. At the end of the day, it's risky in a school and I would not want to make him sick.
So every morning instead of watching the news updates to see what I need to do to get ready for coronavirus I will do something calming. Start the day off on a good note.
This morning I listed to some music from Bodhi Meditation. I didn't start the day with Dr. John Campbell's updates on the coronavirus. I didn't check global BC updates or the canadian websites for new data. So far I haven't gone out to hoard toilet paper. I didnt do that today and I havent done that yet. It's not like checking or buying toilet paper can stop it from coming here. Am I prepared? Yes. Is my family prepared? Yes. Is my aunt's house stocked? Yes. Is my sister prepared? Yes. Are my friends prepared? Most of them. Are we going to be ok? Who knows.
But I will be grateful today...
I am grateful for...
1. Modern science
2. The great minds of humans that can do good
3. All the love I have been given and also have to share
4. Ray... who has seen me cry so many times in a day and has learned to cope with this new phase in both our lives
5. The beautiful sunshine we get today
6. Smiles from strangers
7. Warmer weather.
And I'll try to post a bit of gratitude everyday.
