Praying for the world

Today I am so sad. Yesterday there were terrorist attacks in Paris. I heard about it on the radio while driving home from work. I think it's 129 dead... 99 critically injured. The news kind of blew me away. Immediately I started to tear up. So much sadness, pain and hatred.  Why is it so senseless? The news was a little overwhelming. Then the realization that my parents were in Europe really freaked me out. I still haven't heard from them. I just want them to come home now. They are not headed to Paris but they are in France for part of their trip. I am trying to just keep busy until I hear from them but I think I need to go to the center today and light some candles. Light candles for those in Paris, light candles for loss, light candles for hatred and light candles for my mom and dad to come home safe. 

I'm worried and I feel awful at the realization of all this senseless violence. Why? 

I pray for those in Paris. I pray for my family. I pray for all those worried about loved ones right now or those who are in fear and I add my gratefulness that at this moment in Canada we get to wake up feeling safe. We are lucky that we can still choose to ignore what's going on in other parts of the world because our country has not yet been touched by such violence. Yet the worlds future seems incredibly uncertain at the moment. I pray and hope for peace. I pray for my parents to return safely. I pray for the world to heal itself. 

... I changed my title from "Praying for Paris" to " Praying for the world". 

Art is a meditation

I've been drawing a lot lately and have created a goal for myself. Aside from the enjoyable nature of drawing I also like the challenge. Lately, with all those zen doodling I've come up with some rules that came from nowhere. 

1) all free hand with pen, no pencil

2) start with a small and random doodle and see what you can turn it into. 

3) when a mistake occurs one must include the mistake in the plan even if it means a new plan 

4) no scrapping art work. Must finish all work until satisfied 

So, obviously, following my normal pattern of behaviour this has become an obsessive activity. But I like the challenge. 

In most situations drawing keeps me extremely present. I don't think about anything else. I also get extremely inspired but the inspiration is all internal. I draw for myself and not for others and in that I have learned to appreciate my ability to draw. I recognize I am not the best or most creative in the entire world but I can now appreciate the enjoyment I get from it, and also allow myself to feel proud of my creations. 

If I can learn to live life with those same principles applied to all things,not just drawing, what would life be like? 

Art is a way towards inner peace. It's a meditation.

My work today minus one. 

Today's work turned out to be more simple and with a lot of soft curves. 

Zen Doodles

Art is  my life saver in so many ways. Today I must admit I was not very happy about something. However it was something I had no control over. So I started drawing a little and I really got into making these zen doodles which is just a fancy term for doodling. I can draw a lot in a short period of time if I'm in the zone. So tonight, I drew 9 drawings within hours. 7 of them I love and will share.

I love how art really takes your mind off things. 

Happy Birthday Medicine Buddha!

Today is Medicine Buddha's birthday. I celebrated at Bodhi Meditation Center in Richmond. It was a 3 hour ceremony. There were many familiar faces from the retreat as well as familiar faces from all the activities I've attended. The ceremony was lead by master Judy. They had member share stories of how meditation helped them and encouragement to continue the practice. We chanted together and gave thanks together. I forgot how powerful it is when a large group chants in unison. The mantra tunes of the Buddha's are so ethereal sounding. It's hard not to feel something.

There were hundreds of people there today. We all had lunch and cake there. I was grateful to be part of such an amazing community. It reminds me to continue my practice. Happy Birthday Medicine Buddha. Thank you for all the compassion you have given me and all the teachings I've received by you through others.

Today they gave everyone a personal blessing by a Guanyin statue that was won at an auction many years ago. The story is that Master Bodhi had this statue in his hands and at a retreat he asked everyone if they wanted to see a miracle occur. He covered the statue's face and slowly began to lift his hand off of her face. The crowd saw the statue's eyes, which were closed,  slowly lift as if it were waking up. Everyone was astounded. He said that was a lesson to the disciples that anything is possible. When I had my Medicine Buddha statue blessed by Thrangu Rinpoche one of my teachers said that the spirit of the Buddha lives in the statue now. It's a living entity. That Guanyin statue went missing years ago. Perhaps the living spirit inside the statue needed to be elsewhere. No one knew where it had gone. Some people speculated that Master Jin Bodhi had taken it with him on his travels however no one was brave enough to ask him. Weeks before today's ceremony they had found this Guanyin statue with the open eyes in a cabinet that had, to everyone's memory, been empty for the longest time. When they found the statue they were so happy. It was the return of the spirit. They brought it into the great hall and a large group of people chanted to it. It was reported that day a double rainbow appeared in the sky over the meditation center in Richmond. The centered believed that on Medicine Buddha's birthday Guanyin had returned to also give a blessing. We were lucky enough to be blessed with a sprinkling of water from a Guanyin bamboo shoot just before walking underneath statue. It's hard not to look at those eyes when you bow at her.

I know the story sounds fantastical but I would like to believe what I hear from this community is true. All their intentions have only seemed to be of compassion and caring. They never ask for anything. They just want you to meditate and be happy. I am so grateful for their service. I had taken something away with from my 8.5 day retreat that I didn't have before and that was compassion towards my parents. I have always loved them very much but it was often a frustrating relationship for me. However, going to Bodhi really helped me bring my love out for them, appreciate them and for that I am ever grateful because that's what I wanted. I have so much more to learn...but thank you Medicine Buddha, Guan Yin, Master Jin Bodhi and the community at Bodhi Meditation for their amazing contribution to society.

Those awakening moments.

The rain has finally arrived in Vancouver. We've had several rainy weekends already. I spend tonight at home, cozy and indoors.  The evening seems long when there is nothing planned in particular. I've spent most of the night watching TV and working on my creative endeavours. In fact, I was working on my Christmas gifts which is something I love to do. I make crafts for my friends and coworkers every year as I like to experiment and create all the things I see other crafty people do on the internet. However, I ran out of supplies pretty early on which meant I was channel surfing most of the night.

Sometimes I think I have the TV on for purposes of auditory stimulation rather than entertainment as I don't necessarily find the content very riveting. I can change channels for hours and watch things I don't have interest in at all. I know there are better ways to spend my time. I have finally turned off the television and what I am now left with is the silence of the night and the sound of the rain outside.  Hearing it shocked me a little as I wasn't really thinking about what the weather was like outside. Yet, right away, I noticed it's sound was so peaceful and calming. It made me think that my evening would have been more enjoyable if I had allowed myself to just sit quietly with the TV off and listen to the rain. I'll experiment with that tomorrow.

This beauty inspires me.  It sparks thoughts in me and inspires me to write.

It's often amazes me how conditioned we are to experience things through a filter. Personally, my filter affects me daily and in such a constant way I don't even know it's there most of the time. I don't attend to my surroundings in any meaningful way aside from avoiding objects in my direct path to keep from physical harm. I'm pretty sure I'm not alone in that category. Sometimes I'm driving somewhere and when I arrive I have no clue how I got there. Other times I walk towards a room with a purpose and when I get there I've already forgotten what that purpose was. My mind is always busy with another agenda... or agendas and most of the time I'm not even in on the agendas. Ever think that you were not thinking about anything until you realize you were complaining in your head for goodness knows how long or maybe you were running a scenario in your head over and over again? That happens to me all the time. There really is two of me in my head, the one watching and the one that is on automatic pilot.

Once in a while, like tonight,  I have glimpses of reality where I notice how something seemingly ordinary is actually an amazing miracle. I assume these are moments, very rare moments, when my automatic pilot has clocked out for whatever reason, and is no longer clouding my perception. During these moments, ordinary things are experienced as if experienced for the first time. Why is that? I will never forget these moments because they incredibly unique. Before today there were 3 other times I've had such experiences. 1) Once when I was walking along the Richmond dyke.  I had gone there because I needed to exercise away some of my very negative thoughts. I had walked maybe 3 KM (probably crying all that time) and the entire time my mind was replaying something I had labelled as an awful event in my life when I suddenly noticed a sound.  The tree next to me was whispering and shimmering at all once. A breeze had come through and was *kissing the tree. It sounded like a chorus of "shhh... shhhh...shhhh". Not only did the sound wake me,  the leaves on the tree were dancing back and forth and showing their dark green leafs and shiny backsides making the tree look incredibly vibrant. I stared at it for a long time. It silenced me. I even recorded that tree singing as a video on my phone because it was a turning point for me from a very dark time in my life. That tree then cued me to look around the dyke and notice the chirping birds and insects. What I noticed was that were all doing fine. I noticed the weather. The weather was nice. I noticed the breeze. The breeze was comforting. Everything was fine. Everything I thought was wrong in my life at the time was actually fine. I was so grateful. Never in my life was I so grateful to a tree. 2) Another time I was in the River District trying to do some sketches. I was trying to pay very close attention to some seagulls that were flying when I suddenly noticed the mechanical details of their wings while in flight. I thought to myself, I must have seen this a million times but I've never really seen it until now. Their wings almost moved in slow motion. Seeing all the minute details that allowed the bird to soar into the sky seemed so deliberate, part of a plan, natural and special.  I realized being present was paramount to being a creative person and I needed to attend more to nature and my surroundings so I could connect to beauty. It changed my work habits towards my creative work. 3) Once when I was sitting outside during the evening at a resort in Henderson, Nevada, just looking at the stars in the sky and suddenly I felt very connected. Actually that was the first time I ever felt that connection to nature. It just gave me a very a light and happy feel. I was very young then, in my early 20's maybe, but I did notice it was a different experience than all the other times I looked into the night sky. 4) Now, today, is the 4th time when I turned the TV off and heard the rain outside.

Each and every time I've felt this way I was by myself. I don't think that is a coincidence. Thinking about this today made me really cherish my alone time. I mean, some experiences you can only have with yourself and I've only experienced these moments on my own. I thought about why that may be. My conclusion was that when your alone maybe your overworked automatic pilot feels it can take a break but when you are with someone else, I don't think your can autopilot clock out. It's a social entity. It thrives on drama and scenarios. If it doesn't engage during social time where will it continue to get it's material from? Everyone needs a break. Maybe we should give it permission to do that more often.

Writing is cathartic for me. It's  a really good way for me to organize my thoughts so that they make sense to me. I also love writing about my experiences as they are a reminder for me to stay grounded and also to look for the beauty in all things all the time... and... also to remember. Our lives move so fast, it's easy to forget all the things that make life worth living. I appreciate all the reminders. Share your experiences with me if you have similar ones. I'd love to hear about them.