When I listen to "The Secret" or "The Power" it says to that if you give off a negative feeling it will come back at you later. Today I encountered a moment when I was triggered. There are certain situations that will set me off and rolling waves of anger, frustration and resentment will come into me. They are hard to shut off. It's like a collective of the same situation happening over and over again and even if it's a single event it feels like every similar event that has happened in the last 20 years. Needless to say I need to learn to let go of certain things. Everyone has pet peeves... So my pet peeve showed up again today and though I did not get noticeably angry when it happened and tried to remain calm and supportive I was upset inside. The feeling wouldn't go away. I tried to just feel it. I tried to ignore it. But eventually I had to tell someone how I felt and it including blaming another in my rant. I was not supposed to gossip anymore too! It's so hard!
Conclusion... felt a bit guilty afterwards and still did not feel better. Those thoughts still lingered. But here's where things come back...
While driving and alert (except for the constant complaining in my head) someone turned right while I was driving straight and tried to cross two lanes into the second lane in which I was driving (obviously without looking). He was going SUPER fast and nearly crashed into me. I honked soooooo hard and braked with all my might. Luckily we did not crash into each other as he eventually swerved into the other lane. It was a really close call. I took that as the negativity coming back at me (almost instantly) and the Universe telling me to stop repeating bad stories in my head. I tried to stay conscious for the rest of the drive.
That's my story for the day. I wanted to make note of this story as evidence that my negative thinking brought about more negative circumstances to me. I hope this will keep me conscious and help me change my thinking. I really want to focus on the good, in every situation, and continue moving forward, whether there are small or big unwanted changes in life. In the past, when I was negative, it had affected more than one area of life. I learn this lesson constantly. How do I maintain that lesson when I am emotionally high? I guess I keep getting moments to practice this until I get there.
I am thinking of joining an 8 day retreat at Bohdi Meditation in the summer as I've seen it do wonders for someone I know. My friend is so inspired by the change she sees in her family and herself after joining this center and meditating with dedication. Some changes that she noted was that her son has lessened anxiety and maladaptive behaviours. After 2 months of intense medication he has been taken off his anti-psychotic meds. I have never seen him so calm. He's relaxed. Smiles more. And he voices when he's uncomfortable or needs help. My friend has experienced a change in her reactions when she is met with opposing behaviour. She doesn't react in anger anymore. She just let's go. She said it was from the meditation as well as the lessons they were receiving from the center. Sounds like a miracle really.
I've been on a spiritual journey for a while now. There are ups and downs in this journey. Some sections are high and some are low. Some days you feel like you've gotten there. You are feel super content, happier, and cheerful. Other days it's a struggle to feel inspired or connected to "life". "Life" is that joy in experiencing situations and people. Where you heart feels open and forgiving for all things. When you have that lack of connectedness I think your mind might find a way to wander. It looks into the past and looks for reasons why you don't feel right. Then you gotta fight that mind to stay and come back to where you are. I don't feel like myself recently. It's been hard to not absorb negativity. But I am reminding myself that during the good times it's as important to practice the gratitude and love that is more effortless than in times that are hard. Just got to be consistent. I will work on being grateful for my life which I am. But I will work on feeling that way more in everyday moments. I think my mind is always somewhere in the clouds... can't see that clearly right now but at least I know it.
Monday, May 11, 2015
Wednesday, May 6, 2015
The two life lessons I learned today
April... has come and gone. It's already May! It seems as you get older time moves faster. Maybe it's like that story... when do you start heading out of the forest?... only when you reach the center. So maybe I'm at the center of my life now and I'm on my way out. Always...make every moment count.
In the last couple of weeks I have celebrated two friend's marriages, met a distant nephew of mine, gone to the Okanagan and ate and drank lots! Life is abundant is so many ways.
I've had two life lessons that I want to share that I've discovered recently...
1) Love... is our nature. I read it all the time but reading has very little to do with actual understanding and feeling. Today I was looking at my niece and I learned something. How many times have we walked this Earth feeling unlovable, unhappy, looking for love in all the wrong places and feeling a general lack of love... for yourself, for life, for others etc etc... We are all guilty of this once in a while. But look at your history and your history is love. From the moment of conception a body sacrificed itself to nourish you out of love. The Universe loved you so much it continue your conception into birth. For the fortunate ones we were born to family that loved us unconditionally, even when we didn't deserve it and even when we didn't give it back. That means even in times when we were most unlovable, like when we had soiled diapers, cried all night, threw a tantrum, was a teenager, an angry resentful adult, or whatever it may be.... even if it looked like people didn't love you, they did. You were made from the cushion of love and blessed by love. You are what you are made of and you are made by love. No matter where we go in search of what we think love is we can be free to know it's been within us all along. We are already loved, all the time, even when we allow our minds to take over and not love ourselves. Children teach me so much. My niece probably doesn't know how loved she is. Each time something doesn't go her way in life she might see life as an enemy for that moment but in reality it's a forgiving world that loves her no matter what. That applies to all of us. It proves we have a great ability to love ourselves if we can love others so much.
2) Second lesson I learned today came from a student of mine that was learning about "slime mold" in his biology class. He wanted me to see a video about how scientist are trying to use the behaviour of slime mold to determine the best and most efficient ways to build subway stations in big cities like Tokyo. They put some slime mold in a pitri dish and scatter bits of oatmeal all over the dish. If you watch the video you will see that from a single point the slime mold begins to branch out and find the oatmeal. What's really interesting is that the branching is not random. The slime mold knows exactly where to go and how to reach it's goal of eating oatmeal. It b-lines for the grains. Slime mold has no brain. It has no obstacles. It just lives it's life and does it's thing and it hits the jack pot every time. It's directed by the power of the Universe and not by the power of thoughts. It creates the most efficient path to it's goal just by being slime mold. If we all stop struggling and just tried to be will we reach our goal of getting to where we are meant to be? The slime mold video moment was like evidence to me that the Universe has a plan for you. It has a most efficient plan, actually, to get you where you need to be if we don't resist. If we want food... it will get us food. If we want money... it will get us money. If we want love... it was give us love. All things we want we can have... we just have to wish it and go with the flow of life.
*** update (days later)... so I researched the slime mold further and it's process of finding food isn't accurately stated above. I do love the idea that it just knows where to go because it's guided by the Universe but it's just not so. The slime old spreads out and branches out everywhere. When it finds food it strengthens that branch allowing it to access the food in the fastest way possible. Those branches that lead out to nothing get reabsorbed and the energy used to power those branches goes to the ones that are absorbing nutrients. The slime mold can identify and create a network of nutrients efficiently within a day in a petri dish. It can get so big that the naked eye can see the branches. It's patterns are beautiful. For a brainless creature it's very intelligent. So now that I know more accurate information about the slime mold I was trying to figure out what the slime could teach us about being successful in life. It's life is simple. Get food and grow. Get food and grow. Strengthen the bonds that nurture you now. Don't put any more energy into areas once ventured that offer you nothing. This is how you grow. Slime mold is wise.
I love slime mold.
In the last couple of weeks I have celebrated two friend's marriages, met a distant nephew of mine, gone to the Okanagan and ate and drank lots! Life is abundant is so many ways.
I've had two life lessons that I want to share that I've discovered recently...
1) Love... is our nature. I read it all the time but reading has very little to do with actual understanding and feeling. Today I was looking at my niece and I learned something. How many times have we walked this Earth feeling unlovable, unhappy, looking for love in all the wrong places and feeling a general lack of love... for yourself, for life, for others etc etc... We are all guilty of this once in a while. But look at your history and your history is love. From the moment of conception a body sacrificed itself to nourish you out of love. The Universe loved you so much it continue your conception into birth. For the fortunate ones we were born to family that loved us unconditionally, even when we didn't deserve it and even when we didn't give it back. That means even in times when we were most unlovable, like when we had soiled diapers, cried all night, threw a tantrum, was a teenager, an angry resentful adult, or whatever it may be.... even if it looked like people didn't love you, they did. You were made from the cushion of love and blessed by love. You are what you are made of and you are made by love. No matter where we go in search of what we think love is we can be free to know it's been within us all along. We are already loved, all the time, even when we allow our minds to take over and not love ourselves. Children teach me so much. My niece probably doesn't know how loved she is. Each time something doesn't go her way in life she might see life as an enemy for that moment but in reality it's a forgiving world that loves her no matter what. That applies to all of us. It proves we have a great ability to love ourselves if we can love others so much.
2) Second lesson I learned today came from a student of mine that was learning about "slime mold" in his biology class. He wanted me to see a video about how scientist are trying to use the behaviour of slime mold to determine the best and most efficient ways to build subway stations in big cities like Tokyo. They put some slime mold in a pitri dish and scatter bits of oatmeal all over the dish. If you watch the video you will see that from a single point the slime mold begins to branch out and find the oatmeal. What's really interesting is that the branching is not random. The slime mold knows exactly where to go and how to reach it's goal of eating oatmeal. It b-lines for the grains. Slime mold has no brain. It has no obstacles. It just lives it's life and does it's thing and it hits the jack pot every time. It's directed by the power of the Universe and not by the power of thoughts. It creates the most efficient path to it's goal just by being slime mold. If we all stop struggling and just tried to be will we reach our goal of getting to where we are meant to be? The slime mold video moment was like evidence to me that the Universe has a plan for you. It has a most efficient plan, actually, to get you where you need to be if we don't resist. If we want food... it will get us food. If we want money... it will get us money. If we want love... it was give us love. All things we want we can have... we just have to wish it and go with the flow of life.
*** update (days later)... so I researched the slime mold further and it's process of finding food isn't accurately stated above. I do love the idea that it just knows where to go because it's guided by the Universe but it's just not so. The slime old spreads out and branches out everywhere. When it finds food it strengthens that branch allowing it to access the food in the fastest way possible. Those branches that lead out to nothing get reabsorbed and the energy used to power those branches goes to the ones that are absorbing nutrients. The slime mold can identify and create a network of nutrients efficiently within a day in a petri dish. It can get so big that the naked eye can see the branches. It's patterns are beautiful. For a brainless creature it's very intelligent. So now that I know more accurate information about the slime mold I was trying to figure out what the slime could teach us about being successful in life. It's life is simple. Get food and grow. Get food and grow. Strengthen the bonds that nurture you now. Don't put any more energy into areas once ventured that offer you nothing. This is how you grow. Slime mold is wise.
I love slime mold.
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