Food for thought.

Life is unpredictable, at least for me it is. When I use to think of my future, as a teenager or even when I was in my early 20's,  I didn't picture this current life. Life hasn't gone the way I had imagined. I haven't traveled the world, or found the love of my life. I am not a famous musician, artist or anything of that nature. Now I just look at life with curiosity as I really don't know where I am headed. I often feel lost. I love what I do but I don't know if I have found my calling. I wonder what else I am capable of accomplishing. I want to do something GREAT. I want to do more. I want to create. Nothing is stopping me from doing these things, my life has not become stagnant, but I always thought that by the time I hit 30 I would have answered all those questions. There is a scene in a movie I often think of  when I ponder my direction in life. In this scene, a woman is complaining that she had her life all planned out but nothing has worked out for her. She lives in Greece, a place that she studied about and believed to be miraculous, but she was unhappy and cranky all the time.  She complains about every little inconvenience in her life. Instead of being a university professor she had to settle for a job as a tour guide. She hates her job, hates her tourist group and hates her current life. She can't see the beauty in anything and is constantly miserable. The bus driver she is complaining to her responds by asking in a truly perplexed tone "but how do you plan life?"  Little did she know this unhappy place she was in, this job she had to take, ended up being the thing that she needed. Life is just unfolding and with each layer that is revealed, we just deal with it. Everyone's life is different but they are all equally meaningful. We are all where we are supposed to be.

At 34 years of age, I have experienced some things that a lot of people would never experience.I've seen a lot of triumph, and I seen a lot of sorrow. I am accustomed to hearing heartbreaking stories of abuse and pain ( although you never get used to them). I have been assaulted by those who no longer have control of their minds. I have felt emotions I never thought I was capable of feeling. Some of the stories I hear and witness commonly now are those I use to think only existed on television. I learned that hard work and positive outlook don't always have good outcomes. In fact, sometimes people who don't try get lucky. Some people are also born lucky as others are born the opposite. Sometimes things that you didn't want to do turn out to be the best thing you ever did with your life. Or it can just take one mistake to change everything. You can also just meet one person that will change the way you see the world.  Nothing plays out according to any rules. We really don't know all that much. Yet knowing what I do know has become evidence of growth and evolution. I know there is so much more I haven't experienced. Emotions create their own dimension of existence that changes the world  completely. The world also continues to change through emotional development.   Yet I have only a drop of existence. 34 years is not a long time to live, and my personal experiences are a very narrow range of experiences. Everyone else is has their own parallel universe the world they live in. They only know and feel only what is their own. The world is a spectrum of color we have all yet to completely perceive. Somehow we all manage to live together somewhat in harmony. It's a miracle. When I was  younger I must have been living in black and white and now I am only living in the gray. Who knows what the world will look like 20 years from now.

The more people you know, the more bits you receive and the more vivid your life becomes. Connection with others connect you to a whole that is bigger than just yourself. We are a giant mainframe of shared experiences if we plug in. We are all connected. Sometimes I am in awe to think, that even as a intensely emotional person, I have not experienced what so many others, who have come before me or after me, has. Also, there are many things I will never experience. There are so many ways to exist in life. Knowing this makes it really hard to say no to new opportunities. Each time you say yes life can be a different party, or an alien planet. I think of all the times I had said no before... what did I say no to?

Things that have changed in my perception (a small snippet):

As a younger person I felt this way:
1) Someone who had a different opinion than me was always wrong. They taught me nothing. In fact, they made my opinion on something even stronger.
2) Though I was happy when someone else had something I wanted it was hard not to be envious. Sometimes other peoples happiness separated you from them and created a divide because it felt like there wasn't enough to go around.
3) Limitations meant that you weren't good enough. They felt like a ceiling.
4) Keeping to my closest friends and comfort zone was all I needed to know.
5) I believed that spirituality or religious beliefs were only a way to control the minds of the masses. Keeping people at a distance and distinct from you gave you a greater identity. Having a greater separate identity gave you more power. Power comes from standing out.

Things that are meaningful with wisdom:

1) Meeting someone who thinks differently than you is a blessing and a window to another dimension of life. You can learn a great deal from others that are different from you through sharing their experiences of culture, love and knowledge.
2) When someone gets something you want for yourself this shows that there is enough for everyone. Happiness is something sacred and shared. It's a great and wonderful thing when someone wants to share their happiness with you.
3) Having a limitation is a good thing because it becomes empowering to know what limitations you have. The awareness allows for change and forgiveness. Also, on the topic of change, that change occurs no matter what, so change for the better because you have a choice.
4) Making meaningful connections with people on a daily level are important ways to contribute to yourself and to others. Increasing your social circle with meaningful relationships increases your vitality.
5) Spirituality brings everything that seems separate together. Being together and connected to others makes you a stronger person. Your learn about your strengths through interactions with others. Power comes from positive things you can do for others and yourself.



Fast forward 20 years later, what will these lists look like? What other ways will I change, or this world even?  This world has changed SO SO SO much since I was a teenager in high school. Did you ever think about this? Write your own list. See what has taken place in your lifetime of development and where you want to go. Though we don't control all aspects of life, it doesn't mean that we can't reflect on the road we have taken. We can still have hopes, dreams and aspirations. We just have to know that those hopes, dreams and aspirations might change, and that's Ok. Also, other opportunities may "get in the way" and we can take another route and see what's around the corner. Or maybe we are following a plan, we just don't know  we are following a divine plan. Whatever it is, we should enjoy the ride and not fight it.  As they always always say... we are exactly where we should be, doing what we are supposed to be doing, and feeling what are are supposed to feel whether we like it or not. Food for thought.