The rain has finally arrived in Vancouver. We've had several rainy weekends already. I spend tonight at home, cozy and indoors. The evening seems long when there is nothing planned in particular. I've spent most of the night watching TV and working on my creative endeavours. In fact, I was working on my Christmas gifts which is something I love to do. I make crafts for my friends and coworkers every year as I like to experiment and create all the things I see other crafty people do on the internet. However, I ran out of supplies pretty early on which meant I was channel surfing most of the night.
Sometimes I think I have the TV on for purposes of auditory stimulation rather than entertainment as I don't necessarily find the content very riveting. I can change channels for hours and watch things I don't have interest in at all. I know there are better ways to spend my time. I have finally turned off the television and what I am now left with is the silence of the night and the sound of the rain outside. Hearing it shocked me a little as I wasn't really thinking about what the weather was like outside. Yet, right away, I noticed it's sound was so peaceful and calming. It made me think that my evening would have been more enjoyable if I had allowed myself to just sit quietly with the TV off and listen to the rain. I'll experiment with that tomorrow.
This beauty inspires me. It sparks thoughts in me and inspires me to write.
It's often amazes me how conditioned we are to experience things through a filter. Personally, my filter affects me daily and in such a constant way I don't even know it's there most of the time. I don't attend to my surroundings in any meaningful way aside from avoiding objects in my direct path to keep from physical harm. I'm pretty sure I'm not alone in that category. Sometimes I'm driving somewhere and when I arrive I have no clue how I got there. Other times I walk towards a room with a purpose and when I get there I've already forgotten what that purpose was. My mind is always busy with another agenda... or agendas and most of the time I'm not even in on the agendas. Ever think that you were not thinking about anything until you realize you were complaining in your head for goodness knows how long or maybe you were running a scenario in your head over and over again? That happens to me all the time. There really is two of me in my head, the one watching and the one that is on automatic pilot.
Once in a while, like tonight, I have glimpses of reality where I notice how something seemingly ordinary is actually an amazing miracle. I assume these are moments, very rare moments, when my automatic pilot has clocked out for whatever reason, and is no longer clouding my perception. During these moments, ordinary things are experienced as if experienced for the first time. Why is that? I will never forget these moments because they incredibly unique. Before today there were 3 other times I've had such experiences. 1) Once when I was walking along the Richmond dyke. I had gone there because I needed to exercise away some of my very negative thoughts. I had walked maybe 3 KM (probably crying all that time) and the entire time my mind was replaying something I had labelled as an awful event in my life when I suddenly noticed a sound. The tree next to me was whispering and shimmering at all once. A breeze had come through and was *kissing the tree. It sounded like a chorus of "shhh... shhhh...shhhh". Not only did the sound wake me, the leaves on the tree were dancing back and forth and showing their dark green leafs and shiny backsides making the tree look incredibly vibrant. I stared at it for a long time. It silenced me. I even recorded that tree singing as a video on my phone because it was a turning point for me from a very dark time in my life. That tree then cued me to look around the dyke and notice the chirping birds and insects. What I noticed was that were all doing fine. I noticed the weather. The weather was nice. I noticed the breeze. The breeze was comforting. Everything was fine. Everything I thought was wrong in my life at the time was actually fine. I was so grateful. Never in my life was I so grateful to a tree. 2) Another time I was in the River District trying to do some sketches. I was trying to pay very close attention to some seagulls that were flying when I suddenly noticed the mechanical details of their wings while in flight. I thought to myself, I must have seen this a million times but I've never really seen it until now. Their wings almost moved in slow motion. Seeing all the minute details that allowed the bird to soar into the sky seemed so deliberate, part of a plan, natural and special. I realized being present was paramount to being a creative person and I needed to attend more to nature and my surroundings so I could connect to beauty. It changed my work habits towards my creative work. 3) Once when I was sitting outside during the evening at a resort in Henderson, Nevada, just looking at the stars in the sky and suddenly I felt very connected. Actually that was the first time I ever felt that connection to nature. It just gave me a very a light and happy feel. I was very young then, in my early 20's maybe, but I did notice it was a different experience than all the other times I looked into the night sky. 4) Now, today, is the 4th time when I turned the TV off and heard the rain outside.
Each and every time I've felt this way I was by myself. I don't think that is a coincidence. Thinking about this today made me really cherish my alone time. I mean, some experiences you can only have with yourself and I've only experienced these moments on my own. I thought about why that may be. My conclusion was that when your alone maybe your overworked automatic pilot feels it can take a break but when you are with someone else, I don't think your can autopilot clock out. It's a social entity. It thrives on drama and scenarios. If it doesn't engage during social time where will it continue to get it's material from? Everyone needs a break. Maybe we should give it permission to do that more often.
Writing is cathartic for me. It's a really good way for me to organize my thoughts so that they make sense to me. I also love writing about my experiences as they are a reminder for me to stay grounded and also to look for the beauty in all things all the time... and... also to remember. Our lives move so fast, it's easy to forget all the things that make life worth living. I appreciate all the reminders. Share your experiences with me if you have similar ones. I'd love to hear about them.
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