hmmm... thoughts...

Why do people hurt the ones they love or cared about?

When things are said and done can't there be forgiveness there? Can you begin to care about each other in different ways. Why do you need to avoid one another? Why can't we let things go and just be happy for each other? Be happy that we once had each other? The things we appreciated about each other are still things in us. It's not like we are different people. Why do things have to be so ugly? Why cut them out of your life? Can't we be respectful of one another? Can't we continue to care for one another? Why do we need to act like we don't know each other? I feel like I am singing that song by Gotye: Somebody I used to know.

I find that kind of separation the hardest kind because you lose so many things. I will never let things in the past make me bitter or not care for those people who touched my life. I want to move on, continue caring and not associate people with pain. I want to continue to associate them with happiness.

But relationships, friendships and all sorts of "ships" require two people. Both have to want to be together as lovers or friends. I guess I don't even get to be a friend. I have never had people in my life who would not forgive me. Or maybe it's not even about forgiveness... I don't know. It's all a mystery to me. I guess it's good I have a bad memory. It helps me forget things and forgive more easily.

I saw a documentary on TV the other day. It was about mechanical physics. Mechanical physics is the study of atoms and the stuff the cosmos are made of. And they say that life was born out of the cosmos and the direction has been guided by the Big Bang since the moment it exploded. It started with order and turned into disorder and our lives are to follow that. The structure of the Universe it self is unstable just like most things in life. It's interesting that all things I am learning right now in the New Age books I'm reading state that form is unstable and mostly everything is form. All physical things, our bodies, even our thoughts are forms but forms generated in our mind, even our image of self is a form. All this is unstable and can change anytime. If we don't resist the events in our life, if we recognize all things are unstable, then we will be less disappointed in life. So even in the science based field of mechanical physics, all things start from order and turn to disorder... all form is unstable. And just like the New Age ideas that are coming out of the guru's that teach it, our life has been spelled out by the Cosmos since the beginning of time. Anything we are doing now, what we are experiencing now, it is exactly what we are supposed to be experiencing. It will lead us to find our true self. It is all for a purpose. That's why we need to live in the moment. We need to experience fully the urges and feelings of the moment in the space we are in.

I guess don't regret, don't feel shame. Just live honestly and live the best you can with what you have at the moment you are living in.