The lotus flower is a symbol in many religions for reaching enlightenment. It is a flower that incubates in the darkness of muddy pond waters and inches its way upwards until it breaks through the surface. In the open air it blooms into a beautiful flower. It is something that overcomes darkness and comes into light revealing its true form.
Every time I feel I'm getting pulled back into old thoughts I remind myself I am supposed to be pushing myself up not pulling myself down. I want to reach my best. I want to feel happy 100% not 75%. I don't want to put myself into the old. I hate the feeling of getting stuck. However, even when I have an awesome day something triggers me and old thoughts come back. The old feels new again and it feels like I'm back in the moment of pain I'm remembering.
Once that happens the ball keeps rolling. Like a snowball it collects more old thoughts until it runs you over. Sometimes you are your own worst enemy. Eckhart Tolle says there is a part of us that enjoys pain and feeds on it. If it weren't for that we wouldn't force ourselves to relive painful moments in our lives. This is the pain body. It lurks around unconscious beings and pounces on us when we are not conscious. I find I am not conscious when I'm alone with too much time to stare at the wall. My mind wanders where it shouldn't. Some people think perhaps your brain is trying to work out a problem but instead it is creating a problem. Ive gone to that place in my mind too many times now for it to do any good. Another place that makes me unconscious is my basement where it is dark. No sun shines through the windows there. I never know what the weather is like. I guess it is a place where I can get trapped by my thoughts.
While I'm out and about I feel less of that. I feel more alive. I guess what I'm describing sounds really depressing. I'm not depressed. I just notice that I am still affected by things in my past. They seem out of my control but I know it's my brain. I guess it IS out of my control though. In "A New Earth" Eckhart Tolle said to say "I think" is as ridiculous as saying "I circulate blood". It's not something we consciously do. It's something that happens to us. The least we can do is notice that. We aren't our negative thoughts but sometimes it feels like they run our lives. I am very happy in my life now but i get flustered thinking I can still get affected by my old feelings.
A song lyric keeps coming into my head. I don't know what song it's from. It just always repeats when I feel a little stuck. "All we have is here. All we have is now." I don't want to waste this perfect moment. So every time I feel stuck or an old thought happens to me I'm not going to let it snowball because I'm going to think of the lotus flower and keep pushing my way up.
My friend once told me "we are all damaged goods". I would like to think that some of us are just trying to get through the mud. Soon we will fully understand who we are, what our purpose in life is and how perfect we are.
I have 3 goals in life:
1) Obliterate the things that I don't need. You can't hold on to things because they were once meaningful. They will eventually just drag you down. Their time in your life has already fulfilled the purpose that it was meant to fulfill. Appreciate it and move on.
2) Find my purpose, my passion and my joy. I use to have more passion for things. I think maybe I've spent too much time on those things and now they have become work not pleasure or love. Go where your heart leads you.
3) Keep giving. Giving and receiving are the same thing. I will always try to give something to everyone I meet. It can be a hug, a smile, or even just a happy thought. Most importantly I will give them the freedom to be who they are without judging. Deepak Chopra says give what you feel people have taken from you. Give people what you want for yourself and start the circulation of wealth and joy in your life. And when you feel you have nothing in you to give, give anyway.
These are the goals I will work on heavily. Enough preaching for now.
No comments:
Post a Comment